Sinners

Poetry by Jacob Nantz
& Vic Nogay

In the light, as my kids play, I dream of sins
committed as a child. As a man
there are still traces of the faults
that tripped me up then, and now,
imperfections like smudges on my heart.
What’s a room left disheveled
so long as there’s an echo of laughter
as their little bodies move
from room to room. I’m trying to wipe away
what you’ve inherited from me. Let these be
the prints, the crumbs. They’ll disappear
on their own one day and I’ll yearn for them.
Akin to grief, there is a good version of a mess.


—


I want to believe
there is good in this mess,
but I have inherited so much doubt.
I am not bothered
by fingerprints on window glass,
crumbs in the corners,
toys on the floor,
but there are tidy traces
of childhood memories
where no laughter dares echo,
where bodies move from room to room,
prescribed to walk the corridors
of safe and proper lives.

As a woman,
I long to make mistakes.
I have wound myself around
the pillars of this house
so tight,
holding up
this whole life.
I want to cut my strings,
feed on dirt,
mat my hair and scar my skin.
I want
to become
a filthy, wild thing.

If there was a way to leave this life,
I fear that I might take it,
abandon all I love
to find myself again.

So I clean.
So I wipe
and sweep
and tidy
as all good mothers do—
preemptive penance
for the sins I dream of in the dark.

Jacob Nantz is a writer based in Northern Virginia. Originally from the Chicago area, he received his MA in Poetry from Southern Illinois University Edwardsville. Website: jacobnantz.com Instagram: @jwnantz.

Vic Nogay is a writer from Ohio. She is the author of two poetry chapbooks, Naming a Dying Thing (Yellow Arrow 2025) and under fire under water (tiny wren 2022), and is the Micro Editor of Identity Theory. Find her at vicnogay.com or haunting rural roadsides where the wildflowers grow. website: vicnogay.com instagram and threads: @vicnogaywrites bsky: @vicnogaywrites.bsky.social